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22 January 2007 @ 10:03 am
I'm Maria and I've got way too much thoughts in my mind...

And that is kind of a problem since I don't know what to say or write or think... The thing is I've been on some other LJs lately and I've read some amazing stuff from incredible people : some have been to places I cannot even dream about going, and other just have some exciting life. I know I shouldn't been complaining about that, that is an issue I'm supposed to be done with and yet I'm talking about it again ! That is wrong !

I should know that my life is really great ! I'm only 18 and I'm already going to university and I'll probably go to USA on my third year, and well, I've been to places all around the world... I've spend a month in Australia, I've been to Scotland, Ireland and England and Spain, and also to Guadeloupe and a little bit of Hong Kong. And I know that I will travel more when I am older... SO ! my life is great ! end of the problem !

Now I can go back on a more "superfcicial" plan, meaning I'm going to talk about my everyday life. (which by the way isn't boring at all !) Well lately it hasn't been that great : I feel guilty because I think I'm not working enough (that fact that I'm in the computer room when i should be working proves it !) and I'm afraid that this will affect my project : going to the USA on my third year. Because I need excellent marks for that and to have excellent marks I should be working way much more ! that's a fact !

So I'm going to do it : I'm going to work.

I'm Maria and I'm really sorry for my very poor English : I should really be working on it more...

Standing Right In Front Of You... Where ? : Computer Room
Currently thinking... : busybusy
Listenning To... : Butterflies and Hurricanes - MUSE
18 January 2007 @ 11:17 am
I'm Maria and lately I haven't really been around...

Well this is not really my fault : I don't have a computer (and less of all internet...) and so it is very difficult for me to find the time to update this journal. I'm sorry. But maybe that also means that I'm getting a life ! Yay ! I don't have the time anymore to complain on how I have a boring life and how I would like to be someone else. So ! I finally have a life ! (don't ask me for the details or I'll be desperate again...!)

I'm a nerd again ! This is getting really interesting : I'm actually enjoying that... Oh my god I'm strange ! Well I can't help it : I love what I'm doing : is that bad ?

Anyway, what if I was just acting like any normal girl... meaning : Oh my god ! there's just so many cute guys in my year !!! and well obviously they all seem to have a girlfriend... obviously ! So good for my resolution : not to have a boyfriend for this year... very easy I'd say !!! This is it. Now you've just realised I'm just like everybody else... how awful ! I've just realised it too and now I'm trying to think of something that makes me unique...

I'll think about this and come and write it another day....

I'm Maria, 18, 10 days, 11 hours and 32 minutes, and I still have many issues to think about.

Standing Right In Front Of You... Where ? : Computer room
Currently thinking... : nerdynerdy
Listenning To... : Muscle Museum - MUSE
12 January 2007 @ 07:00 pm
YAY !!!! I'm finally free !!!!! I'm going to be able to sleep for real !!!

But I'm a little depressed to because I think i failed in french ! Stupid subject !!! What is it for anyway ?!


I'm Maria and I don't feel like talking : I just want to sleep...!

Standing Right In Front Of You... Where ? : In between
Currently thinking... : tiredtired
Listenning To... : Roswell soundtrack
10 January 2007 @ 08:36 am
I'm Maria and I've decided to work today !

Well, yeah, after a week of watching TV and going on the internet I have to start somewhere ! So while writing in my journal I'm working...

Anyway ! Yesterday was my birthday !!!! I am now officialy 18 ! YAY !

And I got some unexpected presents : an iPod from my parents (no words can express how happy i was !) and a very sexy short black nightie from my brother and sister (could be very useful even though I don't and won't have a boyfriend this year...!)

I'm Maria and today I'm not very in a speaking mood.


Standing Right In Front Of You... Where ? : lost
Currently thinking... : indescribableindescribable
Listenning To... : More Than Us - Travis
08 January 2007 @ 06:15 pm
I'm Maria and I'm turning 18 tomorow...

Wow !

There's no word to explain what I feel right now : I'm happy, sad, anxious, annoyed and excited all in the same time.
  • Happy because I'll have lots of gift (since it's my 18th birthday !!!)
  • Sad because I'm definitely not a child anymore...
  • Anxious because I'm growing up too fast.
  • Annoyed because I haven't done half the things I wanted to do.
  • Excited because from now on there are lots of things I can do that were forbiden before !!!

I'm Maria, 18 in 4 hours and 43 minutes...

Currently thinking... : blankblank
Listenning To... : Have A Nice Day - Stereophonics
07 January 2007 @ 04:42 pm
I'm Maria and lately I haven't been completely honest with myself...

Well, it didn't take me that much time to realize it, I mean I just started to post on this journal and I already realzie that I got it wrong from the begining...

I tried to persuade myself that I had a Life : I've been pretending I could be american... I don't really know why, I mean, why would life be more exciting in USA than in France ? Maybe I've been watching too much shows... Because obviously it only belongs to yourself to do somthing with your life, no matter where you are, no matter when you do it, no matter why you do it. And so I'm not going to lie to myself anymore.

All right...

  • Maria is just some kind of pseudo : I love that name (but PLEASE just say it like the English do... not like the French... PLEASE !) and I also like Maria DeLuca... she's some sort of model for me. (God ! Could I be more pathetic ?!)
  • I've never been to Roswell, New Mexico : I'm just some silly girl who spend the last two weeks watching way too much TV !

Well obviously I'm already done... I mean I've only been "lying" (not telling the truth would much more likely) for a few days so it's quite easy. I could also say some things that are real... it can't do much wrong.

  • Well, I'm a student at university (that was true !), in Lille, a city that I love by the way, and I study English there.
  • All my friends are far away from me, I don't know lots of people back in Lille, I'm not in love and I'm happy with this situation. Incredible ! After all I said through this journal you would think I will be miserable because of that. But there's just no one I could love around me so I just don't mind.

You've just got a glimpse of who I am... I'm not sure whether I should have done this or not, but I just thought it was the right thing to do right now.

But I'm still Maria, 18 in 1 day and 5 hours and I think I just come back to reality.

Tags: ,
Standing Right In Front Of You... Where ? : On Earth
Currently thinking... : stressedstressed
Listenning To... : Wednesday's Child - Emiliana Torrini
07 January 2007 @ 04:18 pm
Well... just wanted to put my favorite song here... I won't say it's describing my mind or, even less, my entire soul or somehting because nothing can describe that obviously... But I've always loved this song, from the first time I heard it to when I find the lyrics and even after that... It's just, well it's music and it's the best way to free your mind. That's all.

This song will only be available for 7 days then it will be gone... so if you want to download it you only have until january 14th, then it will be too late... hurry ! time is running out !

Tags: , , ,
Currently thinking... : artisticartistic
Listenning To... : Eskimo - Damien Rice
Seems like I was a little depressed yesterday ! Well life isn't perfect and so i can't be happy all the time (that would be the dream i think) but you know I don't think I was that depressed... I mean, yeah, sure, when you say "my life is boring" you're far from being happy and everyhting but does that make you depressed ? I don't think so... See I obviously don't have an exciting life (or else I won't be there typing my thoughts...) but it doesn't mean that I should be crying because of that.

I should probably try to do something, like, I don't know, going to some exoctic place or try to "provoc" fate or something... Just so that something would happen : I mean after all I'm just an average student : I go to the university, I sleep, I eat... Man ! nothing's gonna ever hapen to me if I keep my life that way ! And yet i'm there in front of my computer and nothing is happenning : come on girl ! Do somehting ! yeah, well, later...

Maybe I'm just waiting for someone... Maybe I just need to find love... but the thing is, I don't want just a normal story with a normal guy : the routine would kill me ! and that is something of an obstacle, don't you think ?! and yet, I realize that no one wants a normal story : everybody wants something wonderful and unique. You can want a normal life but you don't your story to be like the others... I think. Well at least I don't want my life to be just like the other ones, I need it to be exceptional ! That's all.

I'm Maria, 18 in 2 days, 8 hours and 15 minutes, and I'm expecting way too much from life...


Standing Right In Front Of You... Where ? : In between
Currently thinking... : pensivepensive
Listenning To... : Stranded - Plumb
05 January 2007 @ 09:28 am
I figured out something during the night : my life is boring.

Well, see, I was dreaming. And this dream was just, I don't know, it was just a dream, a little strange and wonderful at the same time. I was leaving everything, my freinds, my family, for a country which apparently wasn't on Earth (even if  I was going there by boat) and I knew this was wrong but it felt so right...! And I was with this incredible guy, we were in love and I was queen. The world out there, on this "planet" was just so perfect, so wonderful but in the same time I knew it couldn't be real.
And I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to stay in this world, to live in this world. To love. But this is impossible : I can't just dream my life, I have to live it. It would be so simple to sleep forever with a perfect but fake life. I don't want that, I want this life to be real...

I'm Maria and my mind is thinking : "There's gotta be something better out there for me than Roswell, New Mexico."

Standing Right In Front Of You... Where ? : In my dream
Currently thinking... : awakeawake
Listenning To... : Stranded - Plumb
04 January 2007 @ 08:44 pm
Here I am again, wandering in my mind. Wondering what's my place in the world : that is the big question ! I mean how can you live without knowing the answer ?

Here I am : I'm 18. Wow. Sounds strange. Well I'm not 18 yet... I'll be in a couple of days but still, I've just got so much thing I thought I would have done by this time :
  • I've never been in love... even though if thought I was...
  • I've never had sex (I know it's not an issue and that I will eventually do it but still !)
  • I've never done anything crazy like runaway or get drunk or going to a party without my parents knowing it.
And there are a million things I can't think about rigth now, but which I know exist, that i haven't done. And this is just driving me crazy ! Like I've got this impression of being that perfect little girl who doesn't smoke, doesn't take drug and has good marks at school : I'm suffocated !

I thought I needed a big change : well here I am, at university : still the same perfect little girl ! I don't go to parties and I'm going to bed early... But I wonder, all these things, what are they for ? I mean, I'll eventually succeed professionaly but it won't matter if I can't achieve those other goals I have in life...

And here I am : I'm Maria, 18 in exactly 4 days and 3 hours, and I'm lost in my mind.

Standing Right In Front Of You... Where ? : Roswell
Currently thinking... : depresseddepressed
Listenning To... : Colorblind - Counting Crows